Tonight I was sick. So instead of going out to a local bar and watching soccer with my roommate Oliver (pronounced Oleeveeay), I stayed in. I would elaborate on my sickness but it’s not too important and probably just brought on by eating street food. Anyway, moving onto the point of this post…being at home and actually having time to myself (for the first time since I got to Madagascar, a week ago), I was able to reflect.
During my aforementioned reflection, I realized that I have been learning a lot about myself by looking at the other foreigners I meet during my travels. I mean…we all have things in common because (hello!) we are all in the same age bracket and have all decided to leave partners, jobs, friends, and family back at home in favor of an African lifestyle.
So what have I learned?
I have learned that I can stop being embarrassed about the fact that I want to advocate for every cause. In the US I was a vegetarian for human rights, boycotting Walmart (for a good year) because I didn’t agree with Chinese labor laws, adamant about remaining childless because of the human population problem, and disliking the idea of marriage because I don’t want to have rights that gays don’t have. Inevitably people would learn this about me and the response was usually a sort of chuckle; something that sounded like, “Silly Kim…she’s so cute with her ideals and philosophies”. It got to point where I started to blow off my own idealism and simply told myself that my “stupid” ideas and causes would just be a phase.
One of my local roommates, though, has shown me this is not the case. She is, in her own words, “stupidly idealistic…not naïve…just idealistic”. It was the first time anyone vocalized to me that it is OK to be an idealist. I know it sounds silly, but for the first time I feel like I’m not just blowing a bunch of hot air by caring. It’s nice.
I have also learned that traveler’s in my age group tend to be divided rather easily by the way they view relationships. They either value their independence so much that they will literally avoid people they are interested in, or, they come to Africa and fall in love. It is so surprising how there seems to be no in between. Perhaps this is happening in the US right now, but since I’m here, I’m clearly not witnessing it. It is seriously amazing to me. Right now I have five roommates. One is in a long-distance relationship, two are deeply in love with people they have met here, and two are both extremely vocal about the fact that nothing, not even a relationship, will stop their travels.
Two of my roommates, one who is in love, and one who is adamantly opposed to the idea, have taught me the most. The woman in love is torn; she loves a man she met here and she doesn’t know whether to jump in head first or to end things on a good note and just leave. In contrast, the one who is opposed to relationships has said that he gets so attached mentally, that he daren’t even date a girl. He said that girls make life so confusing and that it just isn’t worth it.
So which group do I fall into? I find it so easy to classify everyone else; shouldn’t I be able to do the same with myself? But as with everything, it’s so hard to put oneself into a category.
I guess I can say that Africa has made me cynical. For a variety of reasons, I’ve actually started to shut parts of myself off; parts that used to be so accessible. I find it harder to be open with people, and I don’t know that I will allow myself to get side-tracked from my goals by anyone for many, many years. That being said: I don’t want to be like that. I want to be open to change. I want to be open so that if I were to meet someone who just absolutely swept me off my feet, I could say “great – let’s do this adventure together.” I am happy to know, though, that if I was in my roommates shoes (the one who is in love), I would probably pick to jump head first into the mess called irrational love. I think relationships should be like my travels; you do what feels right even if the world tells you that you’re crazy. I just don’t know if I can quell my inner romantic!
Basically, I don’t want to be so in love with my career and my travels that I lose sight of the fact that friends and family and relationships truly matter. Thanks to my fellow travelers, I’ve learned that much.
Third: I’ve learned how to be a really good friend and to value a good friendship. Before my trip I was an avid facebook user (we will say that much!) but now, I’m even more so. Any chance I have, I’m on it, reconnecting with people. Friendships take years to build and just minutes to destroy. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither were the connections I have with people back home. I’m not embarrassed to say that I’m all over facebook whenever I get a minute…what is the point in making close friendships if you don’t stay in touch?
Fourth: I’ve learned how much of myself and my soul I can give to a cause. It’s a curse of mine to constantly want to overload myself with work. I’m not sure if I get it from my mum or my dad; both have worked amazingly hard. Either way, when I see a cause or a person needing help, I just throw myself right at it. I’ve had to learn, for the first time in my life, to walk away from problems that are well within my capability to fix. That’s harder than it sounds, mind you. But I’ve found out where I draw my line, because if I don’t, I will just keep giving and giving. Through this, I have also discovered that I value people who care. I don’t think that I could ever date anyone again that truly does not have an urge to volunteer or give back in some way; there are just so many people in the world and I need someone like me, who can’t just sit on the sidelines and watch.
Fifth: I’ve found that core human emotions truly are international. Just a few weeks ago I listened to a love-struck Equatoguinean man lament to me about how he loves a woman who is in love with another man. Although I did my best to assure him that it would all turn out for the better, I (selfishly) focused on the amazing fact that I could empathize with him. Likewise, my roommates are French, British, and Canadian, yet we all have the same problems with love, families, friends, careers, and work.
It’s so nice knowing that people of so many different cultures can be so similar. Makes me wonder how vast groups of people can be so hateful. At the end of the day, the majority of us humans are all so similar…we really should just but our differences aside and get on with things. But I digress 
So. That’s the update on my personal learning curve. It is now 11:52pm. Eight minutes until a new day arrives. Very “emo” of me to think about finishing this article, which is about personal growth, as the clock tick tocks me towards another spin around the Earth’s axis.
12:00. Midnight. Hello August 1st!
Don’t hate me for using cheap and easy metaphors to bring this article to a close. I am, after all, just an amateur
